"Last week there were other churches that got 'impacted'. One because they got too big, the other for their involvement with university students." I was sitting in a home church service in mainland China when the minister announced this news.

I looked out the window. Thinking of the possibility of police coming through the door.

The similar feeling I had in Ukraine when air raid sirens went off, but it seems also different.

In Ukraine, the danger screams at you. Sirens wail, missiles fall, everyone knows there's a war.
In China, the danger whispers. News travels in coded messages, people glance over shoulders.

Both feel like waiting for something terrible to happen. But in Ukraine, you're watching the sky for bombs. In China, you're watching the door for authorities.

Ukraine's fear is sharp and sudden—air raid sirens that pierce the night.
China's fear is slow and constant—the knowledge that someone is always watching.

In Ukraine, I was a foreigner helping in someone else's crisis.
In China, I grew up here. Lived here for 25 years.
How is it that I feel safer in a war zone than in my homeland?

Two worlds. Same heartbeat of fear.
I'm still processing what that means.

Where I have been
I've spent the last two months with family and friends in China and Australia. It was wonderful catching up with some of you in Canberra, Melbourne and Hobart. That means everything to me.

Australia is my adopted country. Now it's become my forever home.
But I also made new Christian friends in China. It's encouraging to see that God hasn't forgotten the land where I grew up.

Where I Am Now
I'm currently at a YWAM base in Italy for three weeks. It's a lovely place with people full of love for God and others. But I really need God's wisdom and direction about where to serve next.
I'm feeling a bit anxious about the uncertainty.